Imagine this scenario: You haven’t seen your partner for nearly a month, and finally, the long-awaited reunion arrives. You are both bursting with excitement, and even your vajayjay feels the joy in the air, as it pulsates. After the initial flurry of hugs and kisses, it is time to get down to business.
After letting your partner take the lead for a while, it is your turn to seize control. Ladies, you know that feeling when you are riding high, quite literally, and it feels like you are soaring to Cloud 9, your walls excitingly expand and contract to his size as you are dipping it low. You feel the sensation moving from your spine to your clit to your inner core then you begin to release soft moans, the moans become louder synching with the excitement of your walls expanding, worshiping his size, then, right there and then you moan someone else’s name.
This awkward scenario sparked a heated debate in one of our Gen Z WhatsApp groups. 24-year-old Cindy threw out a provocative question: “What would you do if your girl moaned someone else’s name while she was riding you?” The responses were a mixed bag of emotions, particularly from the men, who seemed particularly irked.
Ken didn’t mince words: “I would send her home immediately,” he wrote. Another member chimed in, expressing utter disdain, “If my partner moaned someone else’s name while with me, that’s grounds for a breakup, no question.”
Cindy attempted to explain herself, revealing that the person she accidentally called out was none other than her boyfriend’s cousin. “But guys, I am not sleeping with this other person. We just have a connection. Besides, it’s my boyfriend’s cousin.”
Another lady from the group weighed in, asserting, “A woman only moans another man’s name during sex with her partner because she’s mentally preoccupied with him.”
She further added that such a scenario should prompt a man to disengage from the encounter, as it indicates the woman’s lack of mental presence and her fixation to another individual.
“If I were a man, I would leave immediately and never return,” she wrote.
Expressing similar sentiments, another lady remarked:
“From a woman’s perspective, calling out another man’s name during sex is the height of disrespect towards your partner. There’s no excuse for it.”
A 2022 survey conducted by the Journal of Sex Research found that approximately 42 per cent of adults aged 18-45 reported having called out the wrong name during sexual activity at least once in their lifetime.
Interestingly, the study revealed a generational divide in the prevalence of this phenomenon: Generation Z (18-25): 51 per cent, Millennials (26-40): 47 per cent, Generation X (41-55): 39 per cent.
Nicoleta Mungai, a relationship counselor notes:
“The higher prevalence among younger generations could be attributed to several factors, such as increased dating app usage, which exposes individuals to a larger pool of potential partners, possibly leading to more complex emotional entanglements. Sexual experimentation, greater exposure to diverse media content, and potentially more open attitudes towards discussing such experiences.”
According to Maurice Matheka, a seasoned sexologist, the reason behind Cindy’s slip of the tongue lies in the complex interplay of desires and instincts. “Yes, we vibe in many ways,” he says.
Matheka explains that there is often a disconnect between what we consciously desire and what our primal urges crave.
“Your mind might think it wants one thing, but your body may have different ideas,” he says.
“Perhaps individuals in this situation are fixated and consumed by thoughts of this person,” Nicoleta says.
The relationship expert explains that during sex, one may visualize the individual and inadvertently mention their name during the act.
In psychological terms, Nicoleta classified this phenomenon as extradyadic sexual fantasies, wherein an individual harbours a strong desire to engage in sexual activity with someone other than their partner to an extent that she mentally simulates the act with that individual, to the point of vocalizing their name.
There are several potential explanations for why someone might accidentally call out a different name during sex, Jane Mutemi, a counselling psychologist explains.
Firstly, the Psychodynamic Theory by Sigmund Freud suggests that the unconscious mind holds onto repressed thoughts and emotions.
“During intense sexual arousal, a form of dissociation might occur, where the conscious mind momentarily disconnects, leading to the surfacing of an emotionally charged name that is not necessarily linked to a past sexual experience,” Dr Mutemi says.
Secondly, from a neurobiological perspective, the rush of hormones and neurotransmitters during sex can trigger a temporary “short-circuit” in the brain, causing the activation of unexpected memory pathways and leading to the accidental vocalization of a name associated with excitement or attraction, even if not sexual in nature.
Thirdly, the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) approach, as explained by its founder Aaron T. Beck, emphasizes how thoughts influence emotions and behaviour. Someone might subconsciously compare their current partner to another person (celebrity, coworker), and during the heightened state of arousal, the name associated with a specific quality or characteristic they desire might accidentally be vocalized, without necessarily indicating a desire for that person.
Fourthly, from the perspective of Attachment Theory developed by John Bowlby, the importance of healthy emotional bonds is highlighted. If someone has unresolved emotional issues or lingering feelings for another person, it can impact their present relationship. The name mentioned during sex might be a subconscious indicator of emotional unavailability or a need for closure with someone from the past.
The consequences of calling out the wrong name during sex can be severe.
A 2023 study published in the Journal of Relationships and Intimate Life found that per cent of participants reported feeling hurt or betrayed when their partner called out someone else’s name during sex, 41 per cent said it led to a serious argument and 28 per cent reported that it contributed to the end of their relationship.
“While it is often unintentional, this mishap can create deep-seated insecurities and trust issues in a relationship. It is crucial for couples to address the incident openly and honestly to prevent long-term damage,” Nicoleta says.
The response to such incidents varies across generations. The aforementioned study in the Journal of Sex Research revealed interesting trends.
Gen Z respondents were more likely to view the incident as a minor issue, with 45 per cent reporting they would discuss it openly with their partner.
Millennials showed a mixed response, with 38 per cent indicating they would seek relationship counseling after such an incident. Gen X participants demonstrated less tolerance, with 52 per cent stating they would consider ending the relationship if their partner moaned someone else’s name.
“These generational differences reflect changing attitudes towards relationships, communication, and sexual openness across age groups. Honest, non-judgmental communication is key. Both partners should feel safe expressing their feelings,” Mungai says.