Much of what causes divorce is the natural disconnect between couples as time passes by and complacency sets in. Familiarity breeds contempt, they say. When you see the same person every day and every month throughout the year, one is bound to get bored.
Some have argued that marriage is a sure way to kill romance between two lovers. This perhaps explains why two people could marry, divorce and then start seeing each other again behind the scenes. Maybe distance is important in a marriage because it creates a feeling of craving for the other person and builds on the element of mystery.
We thrive in wanting to know a man well until we achieve that and our CIA instincts feel unchallenged enough to continue staying. We loath boredom, we prefer to be kept engaged by snooping and wanting to know what the man is up to, who he is meeting, who are his new business partners, where he gets his money, how much is he worth etcetera. It keeps us glued to him and interested in listening to him. But when he is in our space all the time, his jokes run out of juice and we find nothing funny in them. And we cannot laugh at dry jokes unless the man is filthy rich and is giving us a ride in his Italian–built yacht.
We are strangely built vessels who want closeness and abhor closeness at the same time. We enjoy cuddling with a man when he returns from a journey of working hard and earning a living for the family. Many of us love it when the man returns home with a shirt creased from leaning on his driver’s seat. It is a sign of hard work that turns us on and switches our excitement because we know a man who smells of sweat is a man who has earned his keep. That mild smell of sweat can send our pheromones flying instantly. Who doesn’t want to mate with a man who demonstrates the ability to take care of the offspring?
Well, maybe communication should be open enough that we can tell our men when we need a break to be able to miss them again. They can take leave from work to go visit their folks in the village till we call to ask if they are fine. Of course, we won’t expressly state that we would like them to join us again but the fact that we remember to check on their welfare is enough communication for any male with a sharp antenna. You see, when we like and miss the man, we can express it in subtle body language like simply engaging him in a long talk about details of what he ate for dinner. We might want to know how many pieces of onions were in that food calculated per millimeter or even ask if the pepper was hot enough.
Gentlemen, don’t wait to get to a point where your woman has to expressly ask you to spend more time with your boys. What that simply means is that you are dumb and you have missed all the silent signals pushing you away to give her space to build momentum to want you again. You are not our Siamese twins! We sometimes deal with a lot of issues inside the same body that leave us with nil capacity to integrate another adult of sound mind who can walk around independently and responsibly,
Keep us busy. Don’t be boring husbands.