My mother left me when I was two months old, but I forgave her

What wrong did I do to my mother to deserve this treatment?  This is the question I have been asking myself to date; albeit with no answer.

My name is Regina Mwangi and I come from Nakuru County. I am narrating this experience because in most of my life, I have lived through emotional anguish.

The main reason is that unlike other children, I have never experienced parental love, not because they were dead but because my mother abandoned me after siring me outside marriage.

In most of my childhood, I lived with my grandmother, (the mother to my mother) in Nakuru.  At the beginning, I never knew who my mother was; but when I was around 12 years, there was a visitor who came to our home whom I have never seen.  

When she left, my grandmother told me she was my mother. This revelation from my grandmother left me surprised and in disbelief. Surprised because, during the entire period she was there, she didn’t show any form of emotional attachment or concern towards my existence.  In fact, she was cold and tried to avoid me.

What wrong did I do to my mother to deserve this treatment?  This is the question I have been asking myself to date. Upon further inquiry to my grandmother, she told me that my mother abandoned me when I was only two months. This is after falling pregnant for a man they didn’t know when she was in form three. Upon delivery, she dumped me at my grandmother’s house, abandoned school altogether and fled. 

She and my other relatives had tried to search and locate her to no avail.  My grandmother took all the responsibilities of raising me right from the time I was an infant. To ensure I grew healthy, she could procure baby food from shops and others she could make locally at home. She ensured I lived healthy and whenever I felt sick, she had to do the necessary including taking me to hospital.

That is how I survived the intricacies of childhood. She told me that the man who had impregnated my mother had failed to take responsibility of the pregnancy and even the child. Unable to fathom the realities of dropping out of school and raising a baby alone, my mother had chosen to abandon me and flee home.

My grandmother was left with no option but to take care of all responsibilities for me. She made sure I went to school when time came. However, when I was in Form 2, a tragedy happened; my grandmother who had been my pillar all along passed away. I was left desolate and hopeless, prompting my uncle to look for my mother and take me there. At this time, my mother was already married and had other children. 

However, upon my arrival at her place, she not remorseful, and instead chose to be harsh on me. She was discriminative, against me and segregated me from other children. I came to understand later that she saw me as destruction to her current marriage and family.

She could even hide me whenever visitors came at home. While there, insults and constantly criticisms were the order of the day for me. I lived in an abusive and toxic home, fuelled by my own mother. Interestingly, my step father was a cool guy, and he tried all he could to accommodate me.

On the other hand, my mother was indifferent and wanted nothing to do with me. When I couldn’t bear it anymore at her place, I chose to run away back to my uncle’s place in Nakuru. He helped me continue my schooling up to college level. I am a family woman and working in a local social organisation. Until now, my mother had never had an interest of looking for me nor apologies for her mistakes.

However, I chose to forgive her from my heart since I am a Christian and saved. My aspiration has been to serve God as a minister. And I pray that despite what she did, may the almighty forgive her. I have no grudge in my heart against her and if at one point she finds reason to look for me for reconciliation, I will be more than happy.