When 15-year-old Brian Ombati scored the winning goal during a school football tournament in Nakuru last year, he immediately searched the crowd for one face. His father, Justin Ombati, who had promised to attend.
As the final whistle blew and teammates lifted him onto their shoulders, Brian spotted him standing near the touchline. The teenager rushed over, still flushed with excitement and anticipation.
His father smiled briefly and nodded. “Good game,” he said. Then they walked to the car, seemingly, sharing a special bond that only “intentionally present fathers” could.
Years later, Brian says he still remembers that moment.
“I knew he was proud of me, but I wanted to hear it,” he says.
For many fathers, expressing love comes naturally through actions. They wake up early to work, pay school fees, put food on the table, and make sacrifices their children may never fully understand. Yet when it comes to speaking affection aloud, many struggle.
Many fathers (biological and figure), on this Father’s Day, are celebrating the joys of being presence in parenting. As families celebrate the men who shape children’s lives, an important conversation is emerging in many Kenyan homes: can fathers learn to say the words they themselves never heard growing up?
A generation raised in silence
For 48-year-old businessman Peter Mwangi, emotions were rarely discussed in his childhood home.
“My father was a good man, as he provided for us and worked very hard, though I cannot remember him ever saying he loved me. There were no hugs, nor heart-to heart conversations, nor words of affirmation,” he recalls.
He continues: “If you passed your exams, he expected it. If you failed, you heard about it. That was how many fathers of that generation were raised,” say Peter with a laugh.
As a young father, he found himself repeating the same pattern. He attended school meetings, paid fees on time, and ensured his children lacked nothing materially. He says one evening, his daughter asked a question that stopped him in his tracks.
“Dad, are you proud of me?” The question lingered.
“I realised I had never actually told her verbally, though, I felt it, and thought it. However, I had never spoken it,” he says.
Today, Peter deliberately tells each of his three teenage children when he appreciates their efforts, celebrates their achievements, or simply enjoys spending time with them.
“It felt awkward at first,” but now it feels natural,” he admits.
Traditionally, fatherhood has been associated with providing for the family, but experts say emotional connection is equally important.
Psychologist Geoffrey Mugambi says children who have warm and supportive relationships with their fathers often develop stronger self-esteem, healthier relationships and greater emotional resilience.
Breaking the cycle
He explains that many fathers were raised to express love through responsibility rather than words, making emotional openness a learned skill. However, while children may appreciate a parent’s sacrifices, they also need encouragement, affection and reassurance to feel seen, valued and supported.
For 39-year-old James Otieno, change came after hearing his teenage son describe him as “a provider, but not someone I could talk to” during a school counselling session.
The comment prompted him to rethink their relationship. James began spending more time with his son, taking walks together, listening more and expressing appreciation instead of focusing only on discipline.
He says the small changes transformed their interactions. Conversations became easier, and he gained a deeper understanding of his son. While their relationship is still evolving, he describes it as far stronger and more open than before.
People often remember moments with their fathers more than material gifts. Family counsellor Catherine Mugendi says words of encouragement and support can shape a child’s confidence for years.
For 17-year-old Faith Wanjiku, her father’s advice before a public speaking competition — “You have prepared. Trust yourself” — remains memorable. Although she won, she says what mattered most was knowing he believed in her.
Experts say positive father-child relationships help build confidence, emotional security and healthy relationships. According to counsellor Mugambi, fathers play a key role in modelling emotional openness, respect and healthy masculinity for both daughters and sons.
Experts say meaningful father-child connections are often built through small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures. A supportive text, a conversation, an apology, or simply saying “I’m proud of you” can leave a lasting impact.
According to counsellor Catherine Mugendi, these seemingly ordinary moments can mean everything to a child.
As families mark Father’s Day, experts encourage fathers to use the occasion to offer encouragement, affection or open conversation. They note that the words children carry with them often become part of a father’s lasting legacy.
Happy Father’s Day from the Sunday Magazine Parenting column team!