Why parents should never ignore a child's invitation to play

The football rolled to a stop outside the kitchen. Nine-year-old Tony Chege picked it up, tucked it under his arm, and walked into the sitting room, where his parents were unwinding after work. His mother was finishing an email on her laptop, while his father scrolled through his phone.

"Dad... Mum... can we play?" Tony asked.

"Give me five minutes," his father replied without looking up.

"After I finish this email," his mother added.

Tony nodded. He had heard those words before.

Five minutes became twenty, then an hour. Eventually, the football returned to the corner, and Tony went off to play alone. Tomorrow he might ask again, or perhaps he would not. Children rarely stop asking all at once; they simply ask a little less each day.

Family coach and counsellor Catherine Mugendi says that if you ask an adult what they remember most vividly about childhood, few begin with examination grades or expensive birthday gifts.

"Instead, they recall climbing trees until sunset, chasing cousins around the compound, building toy cars from wire, skipping rope outside the gate, making mud chapatis after the rains or inventing entire imaginary worlds using sticks, stones and old cooking pots," says Mugendi.

She says these memories have something in common because someone was there: a sibling, a neighbour, or a grandparent. "A parent who laughed, joined the game and forgot about the clock for a while," she adds.

As the world recently marked International Day of Play, UNICEF warned that many families have quietly begun treating play as optional, a reward after homework, chores, and screen time.

The report notes that modern parenting is shaped by busy schedules, with children managing school demands while parents juggle work, traffic, and household responsibilities. Even at home, families often find themselves connected to separate screens rather than each other.

UNICEF says play is not simply a pastime; it is a vital part of childhood development, helping children build relationships, regulate emotions, understand the world, and develop confidence. Yet millions of children are quietly missing out on these important moments.

The agency estimates that more than 80 million children aged two to four do not regularly play with their caregivers at home.

Even more concerning, three out of every four of these children live in sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia.

For Augustin Kioko, a host with an organisation that runs "Play Time" activities for children aged five to thirteen, the figures are about more than games; they are about connection. They raise a question many parents may not have considered: when children ask us to play, what are they really asking for?

Kioko says children are not simply inviting adults into a game; they are inviting them into their world. Before adolescence arrives and childhood quietly slips away, those shared moments become some of the most meaningful memories a parent can create.

He adds that one of the biggest misconceptions about play is that it is separate from learning. For children, play is not just entertainment; it is the work of childhood.

"It is through chasing a football, pretending to run a restaurant from the sitting-room floor, building a tower from empty boxes or making imaginary tea with plastic cups that children begin learning lessons they will one day carry into classrooms, workplaces and relationships," says the expert, adding, "Long before children can explain disappointment, they often act it out during play."

Mugendi explains that children learn essential life skills through play. Before they negotiate in boardrooms, they negotiate whose turn comes next; before they develop adult resilience, they learn to rebuild after a tower falls.

"Play is not a break from learning; it is one of learning's most powerful teachers," he says.

UNICEF says play supports children's physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development, helping them build empathy, creativity, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation.

Mugendi says children do not always need more time from parents, but more presence. Even a few minutes of uninterrupted play tells a child: "You matter, and your world matters to me."

He adds that children are nearly half as likely to play with their fathers as with their mothers and other caregivers, highlighting the need for fathers to make more intentional time for play.

She attributes this to modern fatherhood that is closely tied to providing financially, leaving little room for simply being present.

However, research shows that when fathers engage in playful interactions, children benefit enormously in their emotional, social and cognitive development.

Kioko says many parents underestimate what children remember.

"Years later, children rarely remember the cost of their toys; they remember who got down on the floor to play with them, and perhaps this is because the biggest surprise is that meaningful play has very little to do with expensive toys," he says.

Across much of Africa, childhood has long been shaped by creativity and invention. A stick could become a horse, bottle tops could become racing cars, old tyres could become playgrounds, and cooking pots could become drums.

UNICEF notes that playthings do not need to come from shops. Everyday household items, homemade toys, and objects found outdoors can inspire imagination, creativity, and learning when children are free to explore.