Chasing fatherhood: It's a man's quest to beat others

Fathers ought to be celebrated more than mothers. You see, conception is the kind of marathon that even Eliud Kipchoge faces with more uncertainty than the full marathon of 42 km.

Men are the most determined creatures on planet Earth. Achieving fatherhood means a man could have overcome rejection by the woman and sometimes humiliation by her family before finally succeeding in crossing into the space of being accepted as an in-law.

The pursuit of being a father starts in the savannah grasslands where a man has to fight to emerge ahead of other hunters to grab the prey.

They have to not only work hard to attract a female who would consider them for fatherhood but also sustain the delivery to make them stay on and believe. Perhaps the union of labour providers should list it as a full time job to be a man.

Many a times the man fights to keep the prey inside the box more than he fights to prevent predators from coming inside the cage.

Females have a tendency to always be peeping out of the window and door to ensure that they do not fully miss out on other possible opportunities.

While the man works hard to build solid walls to protect his mandate as the sole possible father of children in the kingdom, the mother hen will be creepily opening the door ajar to crane her neck out to be noticed by others.  

Thirst traps on social media are snares that women use time and time again to keep abreast with prospects out there. Every so often we will post a selfish with our most disarming smile on IG or Facebook to attract attention from other suitors.

We hate to be caged, owned and surrender to one man. Compliments from other males make us feel alive, whole and wanted. It gives us the confidence to demand to be wooed and be respected by the main man at home.

When the office boyfriend brings a Dior perfume as a birthday gift, we are fired up to go home and demand for our partner’s kidney because services are all domiciled in his home and house.

The fact that he accesses us most often must register the highest value of transaction if he is to maintain his place on the throne.

The only constant thing in a man’s life besides the fact that he will die is that his place in a woman’s life is in danger. As a father, the man has to compete with evil forces that are unseen, some are devils with seven horns while others are bosom buddies that drink with him every evening at Egesa after work.

By the way, Uber drivers have now actively joined the fray and must be appreciated as formidable players in the field of illicit love.

Many of them are broken men who are not after the small money that the city trips offer. They are on the prowl to look out for any broken hearts that need mending, sometimes they sweep us off our feet and finish what is left completely.

When this happens, we crawl home to baba watoto who has a duty to gather our broken pieces and put us back to perfect shape again. Many a times this is how we make the big boys pay for their sins and we owe and feel no apology.

We set imaginary targets and expectations for them that must be met to ensure that their contracts of engagements are not terminated prematurely. You see, the fact that the manufacturing plant is located away from the obvious view means that a man has to only hope that his hard work between the sheets will not be watered down by the vigorous chemical reactions of P3.

That tablet has the ability to chew away the zygote before it even implants or even attack and knock the lump off from the safety of the womb. Men are at our mercy if they are ever to achieve the status of fatherhood.

Fatherhood is a nix of gambling and hope. In most cases, the kids are conceived on nights when Memsahib is off mood or is determined to fake headache successfully but the man persistently nudges her neck till she gives in for action out of sympathy.

And, while they walk tall and proud of the would-be offspring, strange incidents like recent fire at schools consistently point to unfortunate DNA results that leave them shuttered beyond the loss of their children.

And once the little being is born, it is Mother’s Day that is sung loudest and all gifts directed to us because the fact that we rule the world does not have to come with fairness attached to it.